Networking - another buzzword that is ingrained into the minds of solicitors, aspiring and current.
I'll be honest, I'm a bit late to the game as I understand it. That's partly due to not really knowing where to start, how to do it, and having to get over a certain degree of social anxiety, some of it as a characteristic of my difficulty (difficulties in communication), the knowledge that I don't talk excessively but I listen well, and knowing where I can enter a conversation that's in full flow (FYI, I don't because I hate interrupting something good going on!).
I recognise that there are others who are able to grasp it much better than me, as I am certain many others will. Same as there are certain aspects that I am able to grasp much better than my peers. Its just a fact of life that there will be things you can do well and things that you can't do so well. It is important to become as well-rounded as you can, but that its ok to recognise that there are things that you just can't do.
For me, I can't ride a bike! Yet Bradley Wiggins can, and then some! Does that make him a better all-rounded person than me? No, it just means he has mastered a skill that I can't. At the same time, my friends aren't great at planning a multi-person trip so they ask me to do it. Does that make me better than them? No, it just means I can do something that they are not so good at so they defer to me for that task.
But I want to put on record that I really dislike the word "networking". Here's why:
It feels very cold and clinical for what it is meant to be,
It is works-speak for what it is meant to be in the first place, and
When we hear the word networking we think of men and women in eveningwear gathering in grand halls or ultra-posh hotel lobbies, eating canapes, drinking overpriced alcoholic drinks, chest-puffing, virtue-signalling, and not much else. I see this as, quite frankly, a complete and utter waste of my time!
So instead I am looking at it as it is meant to be, which is "forming human relationships".
By reframing "networking" as forming human relationships and rejecting the works-speak buzzword, we can see it for what it is really meant to be, which is a process of building good positive relationships with other humans who just so happen to be business professionals. But you're connecting with them on a human level as well as on a professional level.
This is where being your authentic self plays to your advantage. Business professionals, including lawyers, are humans despite the front we might put up in our line of work. We have lives outside of work, we have things we enjoy doing, we have favourite foods, we have quirky ties (I have a really fun penguin tie! Ask me for a photo!), and we have things about us that we might not like, like an embarrassing laugh. Who knows!
It doesn't have to be a huge thing either. For example, I've recently connected with a mature student (......"mature", they're younger than me!) who commutes to the Uni of Birmingham to complete their studies. They do this because they didn't feel living in halls would be a good fit for them. We were able to bond a little bit because we were some of the older cohort on the Legal Cheek virtual vacation scheme in June where most others were LLB students or recent LLB graduates in their early 20s. Wasn't much, and it made me feel even older, but we've kept in touch and partnered up as part of the Bright Network Commercial Law Internship Experience in July.
(Have I got enough plugs in now? .... yeah? .... good!) 😂
The point is that we are human and we don't want to be all business all the time because frankly, its tiring!
Another important point to know is that this skill not only helps with forming business and work relationships, but that those people that you have genuinely connected with on a human level can be ones that can really help you out.
Put it this way. Go to a connection on your LinkedIn account and ask yourself "if I was in real deep trouble, can I call this person and ask them for a favour?" And if you feel they wouldn't, then they're simply someone you clicked "Connect" on and not really someone you are truly connected with.
Remember what I said about "connection collecting?" Yeah, don't do that! Genuinely connect with people on a human level. It could be sending a short greeting after connecting like "Hi, thanks for connecting, great to meet you", or showing that you really liked an article they posted and leaving a couple of questions for them to carry on the conversation.
I'll give you an example of what it means to have formed genuine human relationships with people you have met over social media platforms such as LinkedIn.
Probably one of my weaknesses, and something that may very well be a characteristic of someone with my difficulty, is that I can sometimes over-share. Particularly when I feel strongly on either end of the emotions spectrum.
This last weekend I was really struggling with everything going on over the last few months. Lockdown, unemployment, non-existent employment market for junior staff, no opportunity to make a living, no real motivation to do much, missing my friends, wanting to travel somewhere but not being able to due to living with people who are meant to be shielding, all kinds of things.
I was in a very dark place that weekend, and I felt utterly hopeless. It was grim. Very grim.
I think what also didn't help was that I attended a webinar put together by a group called LawyerUp, a global community of similar individuals who had their internships and placements and jobs cancelled or rescinded because of the pandemic. They all came together to carry on with their learning and development and meet likeminded people from all over the world via these webinars. They also feature prominent and talented speakers from across the world - ones I've been on have featured speakers from Dallas, TX, Silicon Valley and Mexico City.
On one webinar I attended, the speaker encouraged us to share our "story" in a LinkedIn post and tag him, his business and LawyerUp and engage with everyone doing the same. But it was still at this point that I felt hopeless. So in a sense, my story was partly how I saw myself at that point, and I guess partly a cry for help. (click here for the post)
I also use Instagram to post things that I like and am interested in from across all facets of my life. So I posted videos in my story of exactly the state I was in at that time.
I fully expected zero engagement - why would I matter to people I've never met, or people I have met who have their own struggles and own priorities at this time?
......but what happened was nothing short of phenomenal!
In the ensuing 24 hours or so, I was greeted by messages of support from folks I'm connected with over LinkedIn and Facebook. Pretty much all of these are ones I've never met but connected with over or as a result of the Legal Cheek vacation scheme we all attended, or that happen to follow my activity such as my blogs or postings or my insights.
They ranged from a quick "hope you're well" to much more in-depth messages of support and stories, talking about what they like about me, that they like what I do and how I've been so supportive of them and that they wanted to come together to support me through a dark patch.
This outpouring of support from this little community that has formed around me, a community that has been kind enough to accept me as one of them, has been so wonderful to see, and even more wonderful to be on the receiving end of!
Everyone came together to throw me a rope and pull me out of the deep pit I had fallen into.
This is what I mean about building human relationships. These people, who have never met me before, don't know me, and were absolutely not obliged to do anything, showed a huge amount of shared humanity and empathy to one of their own. These are people who would do favours for you, not because they're obliged to but because they are good human beings and good people to grow with and share your journey with.
Social media gets such a slating at times, and rightly so! It can be a breeding ground for virtue signalling, chest-puffing, and distorting the truth by only speaking about and raising awareness of the good things that happen to you, like good uni grades or a TC offer, and completely glossing over challenges, obstacles and failures that you have encountered. That's not authenticity, that's just attention-seeking!
"The key to success is how you overcome failures" - a quote from Daniel Winterfeldt, a solicitor, honorary QC, diversity and inclusion champion, and someone I have connected with following podcast and webinar appearances and after learning about his journey and work as Founder of Interlaw Diversity Forum.
It is something I need to keep reminding myself of because I need to recognise that I've overcome a lot academically, professionally and personally.
Our idea of success changes and evolves over time depending on our changing circumstances. That's perfectly natural and totally ok! Our idea of success when we were 20 was different from our idea of success at 30, and our idea of success when we're 40 will no doubt be totally different again!
One definition I quite like is that success is getting knocked down but getting back up one more time. You can get knocked down 20 times, but you get back up 21 times!
Doesn't matter how you get back up, and doesn't matter who gives you a hand; what's important is that you get back up onto your feet.
So here would be a social media success story! Social media is great like this because you can see the genuine people that you have connected with who genuinely want to support you. I feel privileged that the little community of young aspiring lawyers that has formed around me has been so kind as to accept me for exactly who I am, warts and all. Here, it is very clear exactly who gives a damn.
I will always be grateful for the genuine support of those genuine people around me, whatever it is - if its giving me the proverbial kick up the backside and the "pull yourself together, man!" speech, or throwing a rope to me at the bottom of a deep dark pit of despair and hopelessness - and I will always be grateful for the chance to give support back.
The key to building good genuine relationships is to always add value to everyone and expect nothing in return. You do it because you want it to help, not because you want something in return. Adding value should not be a transactional relationship - it should be a desire to see your colleagues and peers and members of your community thrive with you.
So now that you've read this, what will you do to build a human relationship with someone? What can you do that will show someone that you give a damn?
Maybe start by leaving a nice message with someone, either in a DM or under a post or article of theirs. Invite them to keep the conversation going with a few questions, and ask for their thoughts on something. Do this, and watch a positive relationship grow!
Be safe and be well! :)
P
Credit: cover image photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
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