Here I'll be exploring a very useful soft skill for anyone looking to break into the legal profession. Though this skill will also be very useful in any other profession and any other part of life.
This one starts off with, after scouring Linkedin last week for a new role or opportunity, when I noticed something that didn't sit particularly well with me.
I saw a post from someone at my qualification level (paralegal) which was sharing a success story that resulted in them finding a new role. In it, they tagged a recruitment firm, so I thought that they could also help me too.
I made contact with a recruitment firm to ask if they recruit for Paralegal roles for their clients. The firm returned and said they don't.
But hang on a minute, didn't they just help another paralegal find another role?!
(Credit: iEmoji.com)
Confused (and I'll admit a little bit miffed), I emailed in reply to pull them up on the post that tagged them as being a key factor in helping this paralegal find a new role, referenced by a screenshot (top tip: if you're pushing back on someone, make sure your own house of cards is in order!).
To me, the first reply contradicted what I had seen over LinkedIn, and so asked to speak further regarding advice and assistance with my network. I added that I am not as well connected as this other individual, along with context about my learning difficulty making that more difficult for me than, say, my neurotypical peers.
One thing I admire about my fellow peers on the autistic spectrum (or who identify as such) is our strong sense of what is fair and just. For me personally, perhaps that stems from the unfair treatment I have received in the past at school and my old workplaces, or that the world simply isn't geared towards those of us on the spectrum and we have to overcome even more obstacles that our neurotypical peers don't have to, which can be annoying at best. It means that if we see something that resonates with us as not fair, we will pursue a solution often with much more vigour and singular focus than what would be expected from our neurotypical peers, and we use that to guide us through life. (1) In this context, what I received at first did not come across to me as fair based on what else I had noticed. This was an opportunity for me to pursue a fair solution based on the information I had and the perception that the information I gathered had generated.
I won't lie to you, it was at this point that I fully expected a reply from the Managing Director to be something along the lines of "I am unable to continue this conversation with you".
I'm no stranger to that line - I pushed back on what I felt was unfair and incorrect feedback following an interview around a year or so ago, giving factual observations and extra context, and I got the above line as a response and an effectual shut-down of the conversation.
But here, quite the opposite! I was invited to speak over the phone with the MD of the firm and was able to gain some insight and further assistance. It was a really pleasant, constructive and engaging discussion, whilst at the same time affirming that what I have been doing so far is good with regards to building my name, which was pleasing to hear, and encouraging me to go further and get out of my comfort zone. Also mentioned was a respect for the assertiveness I showed in following up and pushing back and demanding a response.
It was good to speak with someone with their finger on the pulse of what a young aspiring solicitor like me can do so long as I'm willing to be proactive - I've been applying and connecting day in day out so being proactive wasn't a problem for me! I also gained from the conversation another meaningful connection with a large and engaging following, which means access to even more people who I could introduce myself to or share comments with, and the knowledge that I had connected with a genuine, authentic, good-hearted person, which was an added bonus to me!
So the point here is that when you are looking for that extra assistance, be it a conversation or practical advice or an introduction, don't take no for an answer! Follow up, push back and demand a response. Often in industries such as business or law, you have to be persistent and push back, and it can often be that providing something of value yourself means you can get something of value in return - think old-school bartering ("I'd like to buy your bull, and I have other livestock. What can I offer you?"). Whilst you will come up against some brick walls, you'll also find those few who remember that they used to be in your position and may have some guidance and wisdom to pass on to the next generation of lawyers like you and me. They are the ones to keep around and foster that good valuable relationship with.
But most importantly, pushing back doesn't grant you the right to be argumentative or confrontational.
Now I understand and empathise 100% that those of us on the autistic spectrum can experience some difficulties with communicating effectively, and it can often be uncomfortable to push back or follow up when the first response is "no". Trust me when I say that I felt uncomfortable doing so because of the notion of 'standing up' to a business owner, someone with infinitely more influence and reputation and standing in the industry, is scary even at the best of times and the last thing I wanted was to come across as desperate or confrontational or argumentative! I know that finding a balance when pushing back is easier said than done, and it would not be uncommon to go too far one way or the other and give the wrong impression than that which you are trying to strike.
But these things come with practice and it may be that you get it wrong a few times before you strike the right balance, or that it just takes the right person to read it in the most constructive way and for it to be taken as a genuine request for help and for that person to be willing to offer up half an hour or so of their time knowing that it can help. For anyone reading this and who may also be struggling with this, I would definitely suggest taking an extra moment to check the tone of the message that you want to put across. Often asking a friend or colleague or family member can be helpful as a fresh pair of eyes, especially if you haven't had much practice at pushing back and want an idea as to how another person might interpret what you are wanting to say.
I can't guarantee that every time will be successful, but 2 things are for sure:
1) if you don't try then the answer you'll get will always be "no", and
2) the ones who grant you an audience are more likely to consider you in a more positive light because you've shown initiative and shown that you're willing to get out of your comfort zone and reach for something that you really want.
The trick is to practice getting out of your comfort zone and learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is a good time to get that practice in as we're all out of our comfort zone and we're all navigating through a nightmare situation together. None of us can claim to be an expert at this, so we can all learn together and grow together.
Be safe and be well.
(1) https://www.appliedbehavioranalysisedu.org/top-10-awesome-things-about-being-on-the-autism-spectrum/
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